Please allow me to preface this by saying that the core of a fairy tale generally consists of a damsel in distress who goes through great peril (often times against a nemesis that is portrayed as an ugly beast), generally saved by her knight in shining armor and ends in a “happily ever after.” This fairy tale has all of these things, but it is certainly not a “tale;” it is a true story…
Once upon a time (yesterday) in a magical kingdom far, far away (New Braunfels, Texas) there lived a young(ish) maiden (matron – whatever) who lived with her Prince Charming in a lovely castle near the sea (Guadalupe River.) Our happy couple loved to spend the days with their children swimming and splashing in the water. In the evenings she would prepare delicious dinners and work in the castle to make it as pleasant and inviting as possible. Lately, she had been focusing her attention on their private bed chambers. For some time the fair maiden had been suffering from the “Princess and the Pea Syndrome.” The bed upon which she layed was by all accounts comparable to concrete and the shoddily constructed frame designed by an evil empire (IKEA) would randomly fall apart. Prince Charming felt terrible for her restless and uncomfortable nights so off he went on a quest to replace the heinous bed with something more suitable for his bride. That very evening, he arrived with a bed made of clouds suitable for a Queen. (Thank you NB Mattress and Wynn Wallace!) Once the heavenly bed was placed upon the wood (laminate) floor, she knew she needed to get to work on the rest of the space. With nothing but a shoe string budget and her imagination (and Pinterest) she was able to create a celestial headboard to go with her divine new bed.
Now that her Knight in Shining Armor had rescued her from the concrete bed and she created an exquisite headboard to match – it was time for her to face “The Beast.” The Beast had been haunting her from the moment her and Prince Charming fell in love. It was a ghastly creature, truly the stuff nightmares are made of. It made wretched sounds as though it was howling from the depths of Hell. She was repulsed by The Beast and the mere thought of it sent shivers down her spine. She awoke one morning after a night of restful slumber in her hallowed bed and decided that day would be the day she slayed The Beast. She assembled her companions and went to gather the tools necessary to defeat this dastardly ogre. They embarked on a journey to a wonderland called Lowe’s.
With the help of her Fairy Godmother (Mikayla) an imp (Lyric Cody) and an elf (Olive) she was able to amass the weapons necessary to defeat her nemesis. The first order of business was to cover the hideous creature (with paint.) Choosing the right color is a serious and important task. After narrowing it down to two different shades, she chose the one with the most pleasing name – “Sea Seeker.” What a pulchritudinous name and so apropos! After all, who else in the entire kingdom seeked the sea as much as her and her family?! Armed with brushed nickel spray paint, a quart of Sun Seeker, multiple brushes, a jar of finishing wax, and a bar of soap, she headed to her castle to confront The Beast.
This eyesore is The Beast in naked form. (Notice all the battle scars this monstrosity has accumulated from years of conflict.) This was going to be a tough campaign, but she was ready for bloodshed (if necessary.) She took a deep breath and went in for the attack!
Okay, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This was no easy fight. It took more effort, more time, and more elbow grease than she had ever bargained for. There were moments when she wanted to light a match and burn The Beast to the ground. But she was persistent and a little too proud to give up. She pushed harder and after several hours of intense struggle, she emerged the champion. Our fair maiden was finally free of The Beast and in its place sat a stunning new “sea seeking” dresser fit for a King!
…and from that moment on, the royal family lived happily ever after.
p.s. She would still like a matching a rug to complete the look. (*hint hint* *wink wink* at Prince Charming)
*Addendum* Wondering about the bar of soap? You can stop annoying drawer squeaks by following these steps:
- Empty the items from your drawers. Remove the drawers from the chest.
- Rub an old wax candle or a bar of soap along the sides of a wooden drawer. Do not worry about rubbing too much soap or wax on the wood; the more you add, the easier it will be to slide the drawer in and out of the cabinet.
- Brush any soap or wax crumbs from the sides of the drawer with your fingers. This will keep the soap or wax crumbs from falling onto the items you store in your drawers.
- Rub the candle or soap along the wooden glide attached to the bottom of the drawer. Some wooden drawers may have nylon glides attached to the bottom of the drawer. You can rub these glides with soap or the candle, but it is not necessary.
- Look inside the drawer opening in the chest or cabinet for the wooden slide attached to the bottom of the opening. Rub the soap or candle along the slide. Do not forget to brush off any wax or soap crumbs.
- Insert the wooden drawer into the opening of the cabinet or chest. Push the drawer closed and pull it open several times until the squeak disappears. Add more soap or wax if the squeak persists.
- Put all your items back into the drawers.
Thanks for the tip, Mom!