I’ve always been a happy person. I naturally think of silver linings in bad situations. I am the positive force against the negative. My mother likes to refer to me as “Bobble Head Beth.” Sure, I have faced one bout of severe post-partum depression and if you keep up with my blog, you’ll know I went through a blue phase following a few losses. We’ve all been there and luckily I was able to get out of it.
I’ve had some pretty shitty things happen to me, but being the positive person I am, I haven’t dwelled on it. Instead, I look at all the things that are good in my life and that helps with staying happy…
Speaking of… my cousin Jennifer posted this picture on Facebook the other day:
I commented with, “I’m trying…”
And I really am. I’m trying to let go of all the things that make me sad. Even though there aren’t that many things, the depth of them can be overwhelming. I was lost in my sadness at Thanksgiving and spent a lot of time crying. (I sent 8 text messages on Turkey Day, 6 to family and the other 2 to my close friends. Only my 2 close friends replied.) Jose tried to dig it out of me, wanting me to talk about it, but again, I don’t like to talk about sad things or dwell on them, so I push it away and try to think of happy things. That bothers him, but it’s worked out pretty well for me for over thirty years. He doesn’t think I should suppress sadness. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe thirty years from I’ll need therapy, but for now, I’m doing just fine.
I’ve come to realize (thanks to the replies from my 2 close friends) that in letting go of the sadness, I have to let go of the things that cause the sadness. Does that make sense? If the people in my life I expect to be there for me most continue to let me down, then I need to change my expectations to keep from getting sad. It is evident to me that the people who have stood by me when I struggled, supported me when I was weak, and picked me up when I fell are the people that make me happy. They are the ones that keep me from my sadness so now they must become my priority. No longer will I have such high expectations for the rest. If and when they finally come through it will be a pleasant surprise as opposed to an anticipation.
So I raise my glass… here’s to you, Jose, KellMo, Sherri, Greg, Angie, Paxton, Hannah, and my sister Kat. Those who didn’t judge the bad but instead praised me for the good.
I thank you for my happy.