Posted in Music, Personal, Relationships

The Break-Up…

We had a good run. It was amazing while it lasted. Our relationship has spanned for years now, but let’s be honest… the past couple of years I’ve just been going along with things out of habit. It’s not that I was unhappy, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled with how things were going, either. I guess you just reach a certain comfort level. You know what to expect and it’s hard to venture into the unknown alone. Alone. That’s a powerful word. Many people fear it. I for one can usually handle flying solo, but still… I do enjoy a partner-in-crime by my side.

I have to admit, you’ve been good – no, you’ve been GREAT to me. You have so much to offer in such a small package. I know other girls would not just be content, but deliriously happy to get what you give. But, I’m not a “settler.” I wanted more and I knew I could get it elsewhere. So I did.

It was easy not stray when we worked together at Score’s Bar and Friesenhaus Restaurant. I mean, you were right-freakin’-there as soon as I got off, there was no need to go anywhere else. We would share a beer and a laugh, toss back a few shots, say ‘hello’ to all of our pals, and make stupid drunk-faces for Myspace and Facebook photos. We were having the time of our lives and I loved it! After time wore on, things got stale. I needed something new and exciting in my life, you know, a little spice.

I guess we began to drift apart when I started working full time at the campground and left the food & beverage biz. My sleeping patterns changed and so did my priorities. I was more focused, more alert, and certainly more motivated. Plus, I felt better. Stronger. More alive. That’s when we started spending so much time apart. We went from working and playing together every day to only hanging out a couple nights a week, if even that. Distance doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder… sometimes it can drive a wedge. I started to resent you. I looked back at our relationship and realized there were so many times when you let me down. There were many a night when you had me so worked up, tingling from head to toe, breathless -hell, sweating even- panting, ready to take in all of you, practically begging for more, and then… nothing. You would shut down on me, leaving me hanging. I wanted to keep going, but you refused. You got what you wanted from me, but you didn’t care that I wasn’t yet satisfied. You turned on your lights and shooed me away. I gotta admit, it hurt. Sometimes, it stung like a bee. I felt used. Taken for granted. You knew me and you knew I’d be back the very next day asking for more. In the back of my mind, I knew there were others out there that wouldn’t let me down. I came to that realization the Summer of 2010. Me & my gal pals took a rode trip to Tennessee for the Bonnaroo Music Festival. It was while we were apart that I found sudden clarity. I had to get away from you to see that you weren’t the only one for me. There was a great big wide world out there for me and I was looking in all the wrong places. Suddenly, you seemed so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That was when I knew. I knew I was ready to take a leap and try something else.

We got back from our road trip and I was already planning my getaway. I had to leave New Braunfels so I wouldn’t get caught. Houston, my hometown, was the perfect place! It was big, REALLY big and I figured I could easily get away with it. I was right. You never knew. You never even suspected a thing. And easy, God, it was soooo easy. Houston is the kind of place that just doesn’t say “no” to a girl like me. I couldn’t stop myself. For the first time, I understood what Madonna meant in her song, “Like a Virgin,” and I even understood what Quentin Tarantino meant in the opening scene of “Reservoir Dogs.” (The part about Madonna, not the part about tipping. If you have never seen these two scenes, bookmark my page, go to Youtube immediately and watch. Seriously. Do this right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

It was like the first time all over again. I felt young, I felt satisfied. Everything that had been lacking in our relationship was there at my fingertips and more. I couldn’t believe it, this is what I had been missing! I couldn’t get enough of the others. Yes, otherssss, plural. There were many of them, not just one. All over Texas, from San Antonio, Corpus, Austin, Houston, even Dallas. But mostly just Houston, Houston was special. Houston was my first love. Houston took my virginity. Twice. Even though there are others, none of them will ever hold a candle to Houston. Some of them would keep going to the wee hours of the night, some of them would never even stop. They would let ME call the shots, not the other way around. They were happy to see ME. They welcomed ME with open arms.They wanted ME and weren’t afraid to let ME know. They told me so with flashing neon lights, for the love of God!

The truth of the matter is simple: I’m a punk rock girl in a Texas Country town. That’s really what it all boils down to. I’m not your type of girl, but you put up with me nonetheless and I thank you for that. I really do care about you, I love you, but I don’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. There are literally hundreds of girls for you, that are exactly your type. They are ready to pack their panties and cowboy boots just to move here to be with you and only you. We will always have the memories we made together. I can scroll through our pictures and smile at the good times we shared. I hope we can still see each other from time to time, I really do. Even though we weren’t meant for each other, we can still have a good time, right? And so this I say to you, with a heavy heart…

I’m breaking up with you, New Braunfels Nightlife. You’re free to see others and I so am I. I hope you enjoy your twang and two-step, your cowboy hats and big belt buckles, your denim skirts and Wrangler jeans, your Southern drawl and Coors Light cans. As for me, I’m ready to go back out there in my world of curses and mosh pits, pin-ups and fuck-ups, pencil skirts and ripped jeans, the whole indie/metal/hard rock/punk music scene.

Goodbye now, please don’t look back. Don’t ever look back…

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Author:

I'm a forty-something river goddess, music enthusiast, campground manager, wife, momma to eight, and doting grandmother to three... Mostly, I'm just a gal that has a lot to say.

6 thoughts on “The Break-Up…

  1. excellent! it seems effortless, seamless. very enjoyable. there is an old homily for people of letters, inspiration precedes intellect. before you write about it you must feel it, you must love it, you must be ruled my it. nice work!

    Like

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